Armchair Expert Made Me Question My Entire Coaching Business
I just listened to an episode of my favorite podcast, Armchair Expert and now I'm re-evaluating my entire coaching business...
And I think we need to talk about this.
Today, Dax and Monica interviewed Bridget Read where they discussed the history and predatory problems with multilevel marketing business (MLMs).
At first I felt high and mighty, glad my business doesn’t operate this way, but as the interview progressed and the parallels between MLMs, cults, and a lot of the coaching industry became apparent, I couldn’t deny the question…
“Am I and my business a part of the problem?”
I’ve spent the entire morning contemplating this and exploring more questions.
First of all, for the record, I need to declare that I know our systems are deeply flawed and we need political, social and economical overhauls to nearly every area of government AND I don’t believe change can happen if we believe and tell people they are helpless victims.
It’s never either or, it’s always AND.
That being said, it’s hard not to see a lot of the coaching world and my industry walking a very fine line (if not outright crossing) into making big promises they can’t deliver or praying upon people’s need to get ahead, to belong, to believe they are special and that if they invest in your product or service, their life will change forever.
The very first program I joined cost me nearly $10k and promised me I would learn how to build a $10k a month business….and I did, eventually (and many more tens of thousands of dollars invested later).
But I watched so many women alongside me over extend themselves only to eventually give up, believing they were the problem.
I’ve watched women bullied and shamed for not investing beyond their comfort zone and being made to believe that extending themselves and taking huge risk is the price of success.
It’s gross, predatory, and, to be honest, also true.
Those who succeed (in any endeavor), ARE willing to put themselves out there, take risks, bet on themselves & invest in themselves, learn what they don’t know and get support along the way.
My astronomical business debt became the reason I didn’t give up when I wanted to quit. That debt, (along with what I learned from the coaching I purchased with it) is why I’m still here.
Starting a business & chasing your dreams DOES require you to face some fears and do it anyways.
AND it’s not okay to play on women’s deepest, darkest fears of unworthiness and tell them they don’t deserve a bigger life without overriding their own intuition and leaping no matter what.
The paradox of this is a mutherfucker.
I want NOTHING to do with perpetuating this cycle AND I want to empower women to change their lives and circumstances without waiting around for systems of oppression and patriarchy to change.
And there’s truth to the fact that if you aren’t willing to face some fears, break some patterns, and believe in yourself, you’re going to be in the same place year after year.
So how do I both empower women with the wisdom and knowledge I have without selling myself as the savior?
How do I share my story, my highs and lows, rock bottom moments, and valuable life lessons that I wouldn’t trade for anything and not prop up the idea that if you too are willing to suffer you can have the peace that I have?
Maybe this is why I have been so resistant to becoming a “good marketer” and have struggled for years on how to articulate the “after” promise when women work with me.
All I ever wanted to say was “I’ve learned this and it’s changing everything about my life and I’m happier than I’ve ever been and if you want to talk about it with me pull up a chair.”
(And also my time and experience is NOT free because I ain’t here to perpetuate the idea that women own anyone their unpaid labor )
I never wanted to promise you dollars, a thriving business, better marriage, or the hot body of your dream. I could never promise that which is maybe why I’ve struggled to say so.
I really just always wanted to promise that when you find and follow yourself, your life will improve in ways you cannot even imagine.
I want to teach you how to fall in love with your life right now, to ditch the idea that anything needs to change for you to experience life more fully and joyfully in this moment…
AND I want you to see the connection with that shift in perspective and energy your outside world will start changing because when you are different nothing can remain the same
I want you to stop fighting for your limitations even though I know they are real because only when you stop giving them all your power will you be able to be free of them….
and once you’re free you can fight fucking back with the vengeance of a woman who can actually make a difference and make change for those who haven’t yet found themselves able to break free
Most of all, I want to create a movement where women rise the fuck up, in every single way that matters to them, because when women rise, we change the fucking world.
How the fuck do I do all that without selling you something...
without perpetuating the personal development / self help dude bro shit...
without playing upon your insecurities or promising you things I could never deliver...
without giving up on my own dreams and purpose in the world?
I’ve sat with this all morning. I’ve asked myself a lot of questions about what I can do or change within myself and my business
I’ve come up with 10 guiding principles. 10 promises I make to myself and to you about how my business will walk this line of “selling self improvement” without perpetuating the problem.
I want to hear from you in the comments (or the DMs) and want to know what you think I should add or change.
1. I will continue to speak to possibility but will never make promises I have no business making.
2. I will always honor a woman's power to choose - whether that’s to pay me or not, to invest in themselves now, later, or never, or to actively disagree with everything about me and what I have to say. None of it is any of my business.
3. I will center my business around ME. It’s my art, self expression, journey, perspective and story and if it helps you, come closer - if it doesn’t, please move along. I will not promise my way is THE way but I won’t apologize for what I believe.
4. I will always create oodles of free resources (from my podcast, free Substack, audio trainings, free masterclasses, social media content and more). You do not have to pay me to learn from me
5. I will fight for change out there, speak truth to power, highlight systems of oppression and suppression WHILE empowering you to take back your personal power so you can rise above them
6. I will talk about money & success with more intentionality and care, continuing to share what it really looks like to build a multiple six figure business (the good AND the bad) so you can choose if chasing your dreams (while fully understanding of the inherent struggles and risks), is right for you right now
7. I will consciously work to move away from marketing tactics that play upon your insecurities, fears, and sense of urgency and trust fully in your own journey and timing
8. I will continue to call out practices in my industry that need to be discussed, NOT to shame others but to inform and educate
9. I will do my best to course correct from here, to do better now that I know better, but I also refuse to take on shame or guilt for doing my best along the way. My intentions have always been sincere.
10.I will continue to do my own inner work, disconnect my value and worth from your cheers, praise, and purchase. I take responsibility for me so my clients and my business do not need to become the source of my identity, value or worth.
Let's talk. I'll see you in the comments.
What do you think?